It happened again tonight as I left the WREK studios.
I walked out of the Student Center and paused out on the sidewalk to gaze up at the midnight-teal sky, feeling the cool edge of a breezesoothe my cheek. The skyscrapers of downtown Atlanta rose around me, glowing with golden light, and the whole outside world was pulsing with life, full of intrigue a-borning and teeming with promise and possibilities. I stood there in the shadows and sensed its visceral vibe like a heartbeat. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to jump the fence and run away into this magical night to join this wonderful, fascinating world...and then I assessed my sad reality. My shoulders reflexively slumped back into the default position, and I walked disconsolately to my beater car.
It's not the first time that's happened there. Every couple of months or so, I happen to leave at just the right moment, and BOOM--something about the ambient campus breezes and the jewel-like color of the night sky begin to speak to me. They beckon and lure me, and always, ALWAYS, every single fucking time, I turn away and slink back to my lonely hole. But the way things are looking for me right now, my future seems so bleak that I feel as if I'm retreating back to my grave.