Tonight, an episode of "Bob"s SlackTime Funhouse that's dumber than dumberer like a bag 'a rocks shaped like hammers in a box! If you've been wrestling with a thinking problem, you NEED this show--because you'll get a braindrain of therapy as I sub the genius to a level lower than limbo, Bimbo! This show is as good as sex and money--and you like sex and money...right? That's what I thought.
So relax, get Slack, and unhinge your brain like a snake swallowing an egg as this show scrubs the last of those annoying IQ points out of your cortex. Your de-educational psyche-siphoning will be performed tonight by Li'l Gruntpack, Robert Ellis Orall (hush that laughing in the back pews!), Bruce "BabyMan" Baum, DEVO, Pink Lincolns (who are, by the way, total dicks), The Ramones, Polly Bergen, Zilch Fletcher, Micky & Sylvia (& Mallory), either the Queers or Screeching Weasel, Dossie Terry, Thomas Dolby (suck it UP, you sponges!), The Waitresses, and Julie Brown, with added commentary by Reverend Ivan Stang, Doc P. Ellis, Doktor Notaw, Divine, Garner Ted Armstrong, Brother Maze Jackson, Jack Van Impe, and even more dumbasses too fucking STOOPUD to mention. Oh, and clips from that contemporary true-life horror movie IDIOCRACY, of course.
If you're still resisting my blandishments, consider this: you want to follow the tenet of "Act like a dumbshit, and they'll treat you like an equal"? Well, Mister SmartyFartFuck, how can you follow Dobbs's Divine Directive to act like one if you can't unthink like one? And don't worry. If you wind up not entirely coming back from this, I totally promise to empty your drool cup. See? I'm shaking my head "no" to seal the deal.
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